⚜️⚜️⚜️
We rate all our kings in 5 categories, giving them scores out of 20 in each, before delivering our final verdict on whether they should be sent to the guillotine, or continue on to the Battle Royale Tournament.
Resemblance to categories from the Rex Factor, Pontifacts or Totalus Rankium podcasts is purely coincidental… Just kidding, we are thieves.
⚜️⚜️⚜️
THE SHALLOW ROUND!
How fabulous and iconic an image have they passed down to us?
This score is based on our first impression of the monarch’s portrait, as well as the symbols, icons and monuments associated with their reign. Would we swipe left, or swipe right? High marks for silk and ermine extravagance. Low marks for an out-of-focus bathroom selfie.
SELFISH WINS!
How well did they gain and increase their personal power, either through scheming, statesmanship or good old battles?
This one is pretty straightfoward! High marks if they expand their territory and centralise power. Low marks if they give it all up to some guy called Hugh, or worse, let the English win…
SELFLESS WINS!
Voulez-vous être son sujet? Do you want to be their subject?
Here we judge the monarch on how well they went about all that good governing stuff: looking out for their people, conducting diplomacy, administering justice and forging a strong, stable France. We also strongly consider their personal character, and how they treated those around them. High marks if we’d grab a chardonnay with them. Low marks if they’d murder our whole family.
“BASICALLY ‘SCANDAL’ FROM REX FACTOR”
How pearl-clutchingly scandalous were the events of their life, both in their time and down through the ages? How mad, bad and dangerous were they to know?
Eliza’s favourite category! Here we dig up all the dirt on the monarch and decide how saucy and scandalicious their life was, from boisterous boudoirs to mad massacres. High marks if they were on the cover of every medieval tabloid. Low marks if they were a royal buzzkill.
ENDURANCE & PRODUCTIVITY! 😉
How many years did they reign, and how many of their children survived them?
Unlike the other categories, the Vie en Throne score is calculated based on two predetermined scores: One, accounting for the length of time that the monarch ruled, and one accounting for the amount of surviving legitimate children they had.
Essentially, it’s a combination of the “Longevity” and “Dynasty” scores from the Rex Factor podcast, the inspiration for our format.
⚜️Points for Length of Reign
The top scorer in this category reigned for 72 years, 3 months and 18 days, so 72.3 years = 10/10 score. Since 72.3 x 0.2766 = 10, all other scores here are multiplied by 0.2766. Subsequently, however, the Reign scores are also multiplied by 1.35, in order to better spread out the results, and make it so that the top overall scorer in the Vie en Throne round receives 20/20.
So, the reign in years is ultimately multiplied by 0.1868. The result are our “Points” for Length of Reign, added to the total Vie en Throne Score.
SIDE NOTE: The early Merovingian kings will be given full points for how long they reigned over ALL the Frankish kingdoms, and half points for how long they reigned as lesser kings of the divided realm. This caveat will not continue into the Carolingian kings, as, under them, West Francia evolved into France, while East and Middle Francia became Not-France.
⚜️Points for Number of Children
The top scorer in this category had 8 surviving legitimate children, so 8 children = 10/10 score. Since 8 x 1.25 = 10, all other scores here are multiplied by 1.25. Subsequently, however, the Children scores are also multiplied by 1.35, for the same reason given for the Reign scores.
So, the number of children is ultimately multiplied by 1.6883. The result are our “Points”for Number of Children, added to the total Vie en Throne Score.
⚜️Total Vie en Throne Score
After all the above maths, we simply add the Children Score and the Reign Score together to get the total Vie en Throne Score. This gives us a fair impression of what we’re asking in this category: How long did the monarch reign, and how many children did they contribute to the dynasty, in relation to the other contenders?
The ultimate formula, therefore, goes as follows:
( No. of Years x 0.1868 ) + ( No. of Children x 1.6883 ) = Vie en Throne Score out of 20.
Battle Royale: French Monarchs 